So, cabling continues apace. Look! Oooooh how pretty.

The rest of it is challenging.

I recently posted on FB, as I attempted to enter into the thumb gusset portion of my damn gauntlets, that I was doing everything wrong.

There is so much left up to assumption in people’s personal patterns.

So when I read ‘set aside all 13 new stitches,’ I started marking every single fucking new stitch I made, and sort of yanking at the stitches to make them form a hole.

noooooooooooo incorrect.

So I did what I do with everything: checked in with a friend who knows better, wailed dramatically, and then listened to her tell me how to actually do it.

This is pretty much how I live my whole life, except for therapy.

In therapy, I have to figure my shit out on my own. Blech.

If I’d just kept following the pattern, trusting I would eventually get to where I needed to be, I would not have a hole in my gauntlets.

And in therapy, if I fight to try to, say, put a particular memory to bed with EMDR, I keep wondering why I get nowhere.

Last week, we were talking about a feeling of being trapped, and I was thinking of times I felt trapped.

And then, during it, I was suddenly there comforting my own self as a little child.

MY INNER CHILD. The one my therapist keeps trying to get me to comfort and parent.

I need to let myself follow patterns in my knitting and in my head.

Next week, I’m just going in there and going with whatever pops up in my head, and I’m not going to try to force it to be what I want it to be prematurely. I am just going to follow along the strands of my subconscious, and see where they lead.