Last night, I knitted the thumb on my gauntlets inside out. I had NO IDEA how I did this, but a friend helped me to understand. I went counterclockwise instead of clockwise, and although it looked off to me I just kept going full steam ahead.

Tonight, I unravel and try again.

I am in an argument with my partner today. He told me (oh look he’s a ‘he’ when I’m mad) that he didn’t want to continue our furious emails back and forth because we were falling into a repeating pattern.

I told him to go fuck himself. Well, I told the phone that I read the email on to go fuck itself, which is totally a different thing. Aherm.

Anyway I’m dreading going home and unraveling the damn thumb from the mistake I made that repeated itself over and over while I try to do the same fucking thing with my partner.

I don’t even know if people can frog out their repeating mistaken patterns and start again in the right direction. Especially people with PTSD in relationships with people who have their own issues going on.

But I hope so. Despite what I said to my phone just now, I really do love him. Her.